Gratitude

Hello all. This post is a little late for Thanksgiving, but that is not what really started me thinking. I am excited for the holidays but, as it is for many families, it is also a hard time because we will be celebrating without one of our family members again this year. I was feeling particularly bad and lost and alone and I stumbled on a beautiful blog written by a young woman who was injured in an airplane crash and was burnt 80% of her body. One post in particular struck me where she was expressing frustration at the new way her body looked. She said how she had a moment where she felt the Lord's love for her.(http://nieniedialogues.com/) I can relate. Suddenly, while I was filled with sadness and loneliness at all I have lost, I remembered times where the spirit spoke to me and I was filled with His love for me. I feel like I don't remember those times enough where God has whispered peace to my soul and left me with feelings of love and calm. I am grateful that my life experiences have given me a sure knowledge that I am loved by a Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ who has endured all. I am grateful for their perfect love. I am grateful that families are eternal. I am grateful for a gospel that gave me the courage to get up in my darkest days. I am grateful for a supportive family who has been with me and laughed and cried with me. They have comforted me and loved me. In that same vein, I am grateful for true friends. Friends who even though they didn't have the "right words" loved me and grieved with me. I am grateful for a husband who is my all. He has been there with me when I wake up crying in the night, and held me. Justin Lines, you are an amazing man. I am grateful for Jackson who, was my light in dark times. He saved me from the darkest part of my life and I am grateful for his little spirit and how he makes me laugh. I am grateful for my Madi baby, who has helped heal my heart. She cannot replace Emma, but she makes me hope again for tea parties, ballet, Anne of Green Gables, boyfriends, shopping for prom and a wedding dress one day and seeing her become a mommy. I am grateful I get to be a mommy of a daughter again. I am grateful for my Emma. She was an example of how we should be and I will live my life trying to live up to her example and live with the hope I can prove myself worthy of being her Mommy again.

As Christmas approaches, I will try to let my heart be filled with thanks and gratitude for the blessings of my life, and not get caught up in what I don't have. I will look around and notice others' struggles and trials. I will try to be a better friend. I will enjoy the magic of Christmas and be grateful for my two beautiful healthy babies. I want to soak in His love and peace and remember that even though life is fragile, it is so, so precious. But, most of all, I want to have some times to be still. I want to remember the times when He has spoken peace to my soul and remember how much He loves us all.

I am grateful.

Saw this on another's blog and really liked it. Thinking about Emma a lot recently and missing her. I'd like to think that this is something she would say or think about me. This really touched me and thought that I would post it, mostly so that I would have it in a spot to find later. I know that everyone is facing hard stuff right now, whether it is jobs, or school, money, kids, marriage or just normal everyday stuff. Hang on, I know that we have lots of people (many unseen) cheering us on. Love you Emma baby.

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” Christopher Robin to Pooh

Happy 5th Anniversary!

Five years ago yesterday I married my best friend. We had only known each other 4 months, but within two weeks, I knew that he was different and that things were different between us. Justin, I want you to know that I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as to-morrow... (sorry had a little sing-a-long going on in my head) but it is true. We have been so much in five years, more than some couples who have been married for much longer. Four pregnancies, three births, one transition from human to angel, five moves including one cross country, three jobs for me, 10 for you ;) one college graduation and starting grad school. An old car, one brand new car, a new puppy, passing of a kitty, 20 lbs gained and lost, too many nights of no sleep to keep count, too many tears (good and bad) to count, along with laughing so hard with you that I can't breathe. And through it all I love you. I am glad that five years ago we decided to make it official, and for eternity to boot. You are still my bestest friend, you get my jokes, still think I am cute (even though I still have like 15 of those 20 lbs to go), bring me a glass of water before bed, love arguing politics with me, even when I secretly agree with you, love spooning me in bed, take the kids and let me sleep in, and still give me kisses that make my tummy feel like jello. Here's to five more good ones. Love ya babe!

PS. Emma's birthday is on the 18th which is Tuesday. I was thinking alot about what to do and I was wondering if those that read my blog could, in honor of her birthday, do a random act of kindness for someone else. It doesn't have to be totally random, just an act of kindness. Emma made my world a better place and so I think it would be nice if I could make things a little better in honor of her. I would like to think she is watching us sometimes and I think she would really like that. Thanks all!

Sara and the Terrible, Horrible, No good, Very bad day

Hey there blogging buddies. Just having a rough day and could use some words of encouragement. Nothing major going on, just the same struggles. I am tired. I try so hard to be positive, and fun and look for the silver linings, but right now it doesn't seem like the linings are all a yucky, poopy color. I have tried to endure the trials I have been given with minimal complaining and to "put my big girl panties on and deal with it" but I am kinda feeling like what is the point anymore? I have two beautiful kids, and a handsome loving husband, and the gospel and that should be enough. Most of the time it is. But not today.

I am tired of struggling. Money, this job, my weight, balancing my kiddos with this new job, losing Emma, getting used to a new place, sick kids (that is right, Jackson has pneumonia, again, and Madilyn has a sinus infection and eye infection) and lastly, ouchy bad knees. Why? I look at everyone else's life and it looks really good right now. I have tried to be a good person, tried to do whats right, tried my hardest. I really have, and despite my best efforts I am just treading water today. Tomorrow will be better. It always is. But if anyone has any kind, encouraging words, or if you just want to tell me how great I am and how things will be ok, feel free. I could use them.

PS. Jackson is doing great with going pee in the potty, but I am having a hard time getting him to go poop. Any secret voodoo Mommy tricks? I am not above bribery, but so far that hasn't worked.

Three Days...Can it be done??

Ok, so I have been a slacker.  Jackson started showing definite signs of potty training readiness around two.  I thought that when a child was truly ready, he would wake up and just tell me he had to go potty. (He is my first to go though potty training) I know, I know, foolish Sara.  I let him wear diapers alot longer than is necessary.  But my recent trip to Arizona has spurred me on.  My awesome friend DeAnna has potty trained her little girl at two, and one day, I asked Jacks if he wanted to "be a big boy and go potty" and he looked at me and declared "No. I diaper." When I tried to place him on the potty he freaked the geek out and started yelling "I want diaper, I baby."

No more little man.  Armed with 2 dozen "Cars" underoos, a jar full of yummy peanut butter M&Ms and Skittles, a Royal Potty Seat and sticker chart, I am going to get him to use the potty if it kills me. Can it be done in three days? Can it be done at all???

I will let my small following of blogspot buddies know...

Miss your face...

Miss you, love you always and forever my little chicken.

Love, 

Your Mommy

Jack and Madi's Mommy is a Slacker

Hey everyone.  I am going to cut to the chase and just post pictures, because that is all that people really care about anyway.

Hope everyone is having a nice spring.

Send Jus and I some happy, nice thoughts on Saturday if you don't mind.

Love,

Sara